The Italian Thuth! Especially applying when living abroad!!

Italians have a $40,000 kitchen, but use the $259 stove from Sears in the basement to cook.
There is some sort of religious statue in the hallway, living room, front porch and backyard.
The living room is filled with old Bombonieri (they are too pretty to open) with puffy fancy bows and stale Almonds.
A portrait of the Pope and Padre Pio in the dining room.
God forbid if anyone EVER attempted to eat Chef Boy-are-dee, Ragu, Prego, Kraft TV dinner, even Michelina's frozen entré, or anything else in a jar, box or can; that's "PORCHERIA di Mangiacakie. UNICO & LANCIA Tomato paste are the ONLY exceptions.
Complaints our parents have about takeout Foods: Mikka donalds - too mucha grease - "Porcheria" YEP" Chinese Food - they eata the snakes and cats - "Sckifo" YEP Pizza Hut, Domino's - I can make da same pizza for $ 2.00 - you pay $25.00!
Greek Food - Too much da salt...make you drink more vino.
The following are Italian Holidays: 1st weekend in October - Grapes for the Wine; 3rd weekend in August (or Labour Day - if your parents really hate you) - Tomatoes for the sauce; "Eh...no maka no plans we worka in da garage" Meatballs are made with Pork, Veal and Beef. We are Italians,we don't care about cholesterolo.
Turkey is served on Thanksgiving, AFTER the antipasto, manicotti, gnocchi and lasagna.
Later on we have da Barbaque with da Bistecka. Sunday dinner is at 1:00pm -After da Church (and you better go...God he watcha you!)
While listening to "Radio Maria" (the special radio that only receives one frequency) The meal went like this... Table is set with everyday dishes. (UNLESS, Zio Luigi is visiting from Italy... then we take out the dishes in the velvet suitcase).
Doesn't matter if they don't match...they're clean. What more do you want.
All the utensils go on the right side of the plate and the napkin goes on the left. (Nonno's Fork has been widened to spear more pasta).Put a clean kitchen towel at Nonno & Papa's plate because they won't use paper napkins. Home-made wine in recycled wine bottles with a twist top; and bottles of Tap water in recycled plastic water bottles with the label worn off, are on the table. (Unless Zio Luigi is visiting from Italy....then we use the crystal Carafe with the dust in the engraved sections). First course, Antipasto...change platesNext, Macaroni (Nonna calls all pasta Macaroni)...change plate. After that, Roasted Meats, Roasted Potatoes, and Overcooked Vegetables. AND CHANGE THE PLATES THEN and ONLY then, (NEVER AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MEAL) would you eat the salad (HOMEMADE OIL & VINEGAR (Last years wine)DRESSING ONLY)...change plates Next, Fruit, Nuts & LUPINI (on paper napkins because you ran out of dishes by now) Coffee (Espresso for Nonno, "Café Canadese" for the rest) with Sambuca and Hard Cookies (from the last time Nonna went to a Bridal Shower) with the stale almonds and freezer burn, to dip in the coffee. The kids go play...the men go to lie down, (or have a game of"Tre Sette") They sleep so soundly you could perform brain surgery on them without anaesthesia.
The women clean the kitchen and gossip about "il figlio de Maria" or someone that's dying" Getting screamed at by Mom or Nonna - Half the sentence was English, the other half Italian Italian mothers never threw a baseball in their life, but they can nail you in the head with a shoe thrown from the kitchen while you're in the living room. TIME OUT? That was the "interval in time" that Dad dropped the broomstick and took off his leather belt to beat the crap out of you!Prom Dress that Zia Caterina made for you......$20.00 for material.
Goofy hair-do from Cousin Carmela....$ Free. (not true!!)
Turning around at the prom to see your entire family (including grandparents) standing in the back of the gym...with a camera........PRICELESS! The true Italians will love this; those of you who are married to Italians will understand this, and those of you who are friends with Italians will forward it to them.

COURTESY OF NORMA